Is happiness an automatic response?

In the same way that a temperature drop will make us cold, and lack of food will make us hungry, will the right relationship, outfit, car, job... whatever, will any 'thing' make us automatically happy? Methinks not.

What is the nature of happiness? Why is it that some who appear to have everything are so miserable, while others, even in the face of adversity, seem to be always happy? In the opinion of this writer, it’s all in the attitude.

Happiness, as opposed to being a response, is learned behavior. If we’re lucky, our parents teach this to us, mostly by example. Happiness then appears to be a natural response, even with all of life’s rude surprises. 

But don’t despair. If we have missed out on this basic training, all is not lost! Happiness is also a choice. Yes, we can choose to be happy. And because it’s a learned behavior, with awareness, determination, and/or just letting go, it’s never too late to become a basically happy person.

So here are some recipes: First, you have heard it before, and it sounds too simple to be true, but try it. It works:

Count your blessings…or better yet, contemplate your blessings. Live in gratitude. For me, gratitude is like a safety hammock under my mood. I just can't go back to the dark places that haunted me in my younger years.

One way I learned to live in gratitude is that I would imagine all the people in the world lined up from the luckiest to unluckiest. I would visualize everyone on the lucky line, lined up over hills and mountains, passing rivers, everywhere. Then I would think about the people on the wrong end of the lucky-line... people with children they can't afford to feed, and so many other truly painful situations. Then I think about what I 'thought' was a 'problem' and it's really hard to see it the same way...it turns into what I remind myself are first-world-problems. Actually, the subconscious has no sense of humor, so I don't even use the word 'problem' anymore.... it's only challenges. Now...to lift yourself more...go out and find someone on the wrong side of the lucky line and help them!

And remember, instead of looking for thanks, thank them for allowing you to help. Look inside yourself to feel the joy of helping others... because, there are no others.  We are one....but that's an email for another day....

If you’re not as happy as you want to be, just give yourself an attitude adjustment.

Appreciate what you have and skip focusing on what you don’t have. It often seems that nothing diminishes the perceived value like ownership. Think about how much you wanted that person/ thing/ experience that you now take for granted… and get back to the thrill of it.

Stop imagining the worst: what might happen, what people might be thinking, what everything might mean. If you look for the worst, you’ll see the worst. If you look for the best, you’ll see the best. Think about this: even if someone or something is 90% crappy and only 10% good, if you look for the good, you just put yourself in a 10% better world

That’s it.

When you’re feeling down, pause for a moment. Try to identify the thoughts which are making you unhappy. Now try to look at your situation differently. No matter how challenging things are, with some stretch of the imagination, you can find some benefit. Now, count that as one blessing. Look for the opportunity in what you thought was crisis. That ‘crisis’ might turn out to be your lucky break!

Then look at the other negative thoughts. At first you may feel that you are being unrealistic by ignoring the issues lurking just alongside these positive thoughts. But eventually, with practice, being positive will begin to feel natural. It doesn’t mean we stop working to fix our challenges, only that we don’t dwell on them, blow them out of proportion in relation to our blessings, and allow them to overwhelm us.

And remember... when we reach for the moon, we might fall on a star.

It all begins with ‘the happiness choice.’

Who am I to be giving this advice? Just a normal, dysfunctional human, who, against the odds, has overcome my legacy of depression and misery, and learned to be happy. Living in gratitude feels like a safety hammock under my mood. Now I want to share, which I try to do in life and art, through my sculptural, symbolic jewelry designs, that represent, step by step, the paths to happiness.

You can see some of my happiness seminars on YouTube:

Video: Cruising Towards Joy: Life with Less Baggage

The seminars turned into a book. You can find the outline version on Amazon; the digital version is free: Designs for Life: Common Sense vs. Uncommon Sense

As always, I love hearing from you, even if it's just to say hello. Note also that prices on my site are all messed up...it's impossible to keep up with the changing price of precious metals and gems. If you love something, contact me and we'll work out the correct price.

Jane@JaneGordon.com
212-688-8600 for phone, text or WhatsApp